Jonathan Safran Foer

" Songs are as sad as the listener. "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Music , Perception
copy quote

related quotes

" I want an infinitely blank book and the rest of time......why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time, my greatest regret is how much I believed in the future. "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Future , Life
copy quote
" ...people with nothing to declare carry the most. "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
burdens , carry
copy quote
" If we were to one day encounter a form of life more powerful and intelligent than our own, and it regarded us as we regard fish, what would be our argument against being eaten? "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Life , Inspirational
copy quote
" Succotash my cocker spaniel, you fudging crevasse-hole dipshiitake! "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Humor
copy quote
" Anyway.I’m not allowed to watch TV, although I am allowed to rent documentaries that are approved for me, and I can read anything I want. My favorite book is A Brief History of Time, even though I haven’t actually finished it, because the math is incredibly hard and Mom isn’t good at helping me. One of my favorite parts is the beginning of the first chapter, where Stephen Hawking tells about a famous scientist who was giving a lecture about how the earth orbits the sun, and the sun orbits the solar system, and whatever. Then a woman in the back of the room raised her hand and said, “What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise.” So the scientist asked her what the tortoise was standing on. And she said, “But it’s turtles all the way down!”I love that story, because it shows how ignorant people can be. And also because I love tortoises. "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Humor
copy quote
" Grandfather informs me that is not possible. "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Humor
copy quote
" I will describe my eyes and then begin the story. My eyes are blue and resplendent. Now I will begin the story. "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Humor
copy quote
" What about a teakettle? What if the spout opened and closed when the steam came out, so it would become a mouth, and it could whistle pretty melodies, or do Shakespeare, or justcrack up with me? I could invent a teakettle that reads in Dad’s voice, so I could fall asleep, or maybe a set of kettles that sings the chorus of “Yellow Submarine,” which is a song by the Beatles, who I love, because entomology is one of my raisons d’être, which is a French expression that I know. Another good thing is that I could train my anus to talk when I farted. If I wanted to be extremely hilarious, I’d train it to say, “Wasn’t me!” every time I made an incredibly bad fart. And if I ever made an incredibly bad fart in the Hall of Mirrors, which is in Versailles, which is outside of Paris, which is in France, obviously, my anus would say, “Ce n’étais pas moi!”What about little microphones? What if everyone swallowed them, and they played the sounds of our hearts through little speakers, which could be in the pouches of our overalls? When you skateboard down the street at night you could hear everyone's heartbeat, and they could hear yours, sort of like sonar. One weird thing is, I wonder if everyone's hearts would start to beat at the same time, like how women who live together have their menstrual periods at the same time, which I know about, but don't really want to know about. That would be so weird, except that the place in the hospital where babies are born would sound like a crystal chandelier in a houseboat, because the babies wouldn't have had time to match up their heartbeats yet. And at the finish line at the end of the New York City Marathon it would sound like war. "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Humor , Sounds
copy quote
" Feathers filled the small room. Our laughter kept the feathers in the air. I thought about birds. Could they fly if there wasn't someone, somewhere, laughing? "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Happiness , Philosophy
copy quote
" Because sometimes people who seem goodend up being not as good as you might have hoped. "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
facade
copy quote
" Nine out of ten significant people have to do with money or war! "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
People , Money
copy quote
" Highs and lows make you feel that things matter, but they're nothing. "
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
Life
copy quote
author picture
Jonathan Safran Foer
born: died: occupation: cite this page:
21-02-1977 Alive Novelist citation
133
quotes
Go to author's page

topics

more

top authors