Fyodor Dostoyevsky

" It ended by my almost believing (perhaps actually believing) that this was perhaps my normal condition. But at first, in the beginning, what agonies I endured in that struggle! I did not believe it was the same with other people, and all my life I hid this fact about myself as a secret. I was ashamed (even now, perhaps, I am ashamed): I got to the point of feeling a sort of secret abnormal, despicable enjoyment in returning home to my corner on some disgusting Petersburg night, acutely conscious that that day I had committed a loathsome action again, that what was done could never be undone, and secretly, inwardly gnawing, gnawing at myself for it, tearing and consuming myself till at last the bitterness turned into a sort of shameful accursed sweetness, and at last—into positive real enjoyment! Yes, into enjoyment, into enjoyment! I insist upon that. I have spoken of this because I keep wanting to know for a fact whether other people feel such enjoyment? I will explain; the enjoyment was just from the too intense consciousness of one’s own degradation; it was from feeling oneself that one had reached the last barrier, that it was horrible, but that it could not be otherwise; that there was no escape for you; that you never could become a different man; that even if time and faith were still left you to change into something different you would most likely not wish to change; or if you did wish to, even then you would do nothing; because perhaps in reality there was nothing for you to change into.And the worst of it was, and the root of it all, that it was all in accord with the normal fundamental laws of over-acute consciousness, and with the inertia that was the direct result of those laws, and that consequently one was not only unable to change but could do absolutely nothing. Thus it would follow, as the result of acute consciousness, that one is not to blame in being a scoundrel; as though that were any consolation to the scoundrel once he has come to realise that he actually is a scoundrel. "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Agony , actions
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" We've got facts," they say. But facts aren't everything; at least half the battle consists in how one makes use of them! "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
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" Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. "
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" At first it was simply liking, Nastenka, but now, now !I am just in the same position as you were when you went to him with your bundle. In a worse position than you, Nastenka,because he cared for no one else as you do. "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
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" In any case, you must remember, my dearest, that the main strength of innocence is innocence itself. farewell. "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Innocence
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" I love her with all my soul. Why, she is a child! She's a child now — a real child. Oh! you know nothing about it at all, I see.""And are you assured, at the same time, that you love Aglaya too?""Yes — yes — oh; yes!""How so? Do you want to make out that you love them BOTH?""Yes — yes — both! I do!""Excuse me, prince, but think what you are saying! Recollect yourself!""Without Aglaya — I — I MUST see Aglaya! — I shall die in my sleep very soon — I thought I was dying in my sleep last night. Oh! if Aglaya only knew all — I mean really, REALLY all! Because she must know ALL — that's the first condition towards understanding. Why cannot we ever know all about another, especially when that other has been guilty? But I don't know what I'm talking about — I'm so confused. You pained me so dreadfully. Surely — surely Aglaya has not the same expression now as she had at the moment when she ran away? Oh, yes! I am guilty and I know it — I know it! Probably I am in fault all round — I don't quite know how — but I am in fault, no doubt. There is something else, but I cannot explain it to you, Evgenie Pavlovitch. I have no words; but Aglaya will understand. I have always believed Aglaya will understand — I am assured she will.""No, prince, she will not. Aglaya loved like a woman, like a human being, not like an abstract spirit. Do you know what, my poor prince? The most probable explanation of the matter is that you never loved either the one or the other in reality. "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Innocence
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" You will have many enemies, but even your foes will love you. Life will bring you many misfortunes, but you will find your happiness in them, and will bless life and will make others bless it--which is what matters most. "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Happiness
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" To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Someone
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" And what if there are only spiders there, or something of that sort "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Afterlife
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" Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Lying
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" I love it when people lie! Lying is only man's privilege over all other organisms. Lying is what makes me a man. "
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Lying
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Fyodor Dostoyevsky
born: died: occupation: cite this page:
11-11-1821 09-02-1881 Novelist, Philosopher citation
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