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P. J. O'Rourke

" Never wear anything that panics the cat. "

Cat , Panic

" Never fight an inanimate object. "

Fight

" Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. "

Wife

" Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. "

Fun , Hunting

" Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers. "

Schools , Punishment , Teachers

" If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography. "

Celebrity , Autobiography

" If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult. "

Will , Mind , Health

" If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. "

Government , Selling

" Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy. "

Failure , Hope , Joy , Politics , Ideology , Journalism

" Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. "

Children , Purpose , Animals

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