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W. C. Fields

" Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. "

May

" Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. "

Nothing , Sex

" If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "

Fool , First , Being

" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "

Life

" If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind. "

Will , Prosperity

" If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. "

dazzle

" It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. "

Woman , Courtesy

" It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. "

Money , Wrong

" Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. "

Night , Woman

" Never give a sucker an even break. "

Night , Woman