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Lewis Grizzard

" The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it. "

Drinking , Way , Sick

related quotes

" I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence. "

People , Knows , Educated

" It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. "

Food , Summer , Garden

" In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'. "

Clothes , Differences , Mean

" The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it. "

Drinking , Way , Sick

" The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. "

Success , Football

" There's no such thing as being too Southern. "

Guidance

" Have you done your homework? my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy. "

Mother , Fear , Rain

" It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month. "

Children , News

" Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing. "

Thinking , Love , Dancing

" You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?' "

Funny , Attitude , Dog

" Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different. "

Mean , Talking

" Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house. "

Funny , Marriage , Hilarious

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